A Diet of Paper Lovers

There’s no hiding it. I’ve had two weeks of man trouble in one form or the other. Man trouble = heart trouble.

Trouble with my ex (spinning in stone circles, some mild sobbing); then a string of mad tanrikas, including a tussle aboard a yacht in St Katherine’s Dock during Obama’s recent visit. A German God, an Irish God. Oh my dear dear God.

All these men have been charming, all devastating in one way or another. But my heart is very small and beats rather feebly these days.

I am now en vacances from all affairs of the heart. I intend to take to my bed, go on a diet of paper lovers. I will sleep only with women, with de Beauvoir and Toni Morrison for starters.

One good book I have just finished is A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. Now he was a man who knew a thing or two about the human heart.

Here are a few of the things he says on the subject of grief:

“If I had really cared, as I thought I did, about the sorrows of the world, I should not have been so overwhelmed when my own sorrows came.”

“Nothing less will shake a man – or any rate a man like me – out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover himself.”

“What is grief compared with physical pain? Whatever fools may say, the body can suffer twenty times more than the mind.”

“Grief is like a bomber circling round and dropping its bombs each time the circle brings it overhead; physical pain is like the steady barrage on a trench in World War One, hours of it with no let up for a moment.”

“I am beginning to understand why grief feels so much like suspense. It comes from the frustration of so many impulses that had become habitual.”

“Bereavement is a universal and integral part of our experience of love.”

My paper lovers will tend to me. They are so reliable and so good for me. So sweet and fat free.

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~ by moniqueroffey on April 20, 2009.

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