The Ethical Slut

Nice day today. Woke to trashed house. My small low key birthday drinks party descended into mayhem. A sexy man called Eugene turned up at midnight and brought with him many tunes. We danced to Kellis and Tupac and Bowie till the small hours. One friend fell alseep in the front room, another on the kitchen floor.

A packet of Resolve sorted out my head. Neil has invited another poet to stay with us for the weekend, a ‘sonneteer’. they are in the garden chatting as I write. I am avoiding all human life for the next 48 hours. I plan to read and write for the new book. Currently I am re-reading an excellent handbook, The Ethical Slut (Dossie Easton, Catherine A. Liszt).

The American authors have written a guide for the sexually adventurous, those who like to play and think outside the box of monogamy. They disagree with the accepted and mostly unchallenged structure of the Western  ‘monogamy-centred’ culture, of a life-time of pair boding. They do not think that the length of a relationship is adequate criteria to judge its success. Instead, they say that being openly sexual and intimate with many people is not only possible but rewarding.

In the way gay people have reclaimed the word ‘queer’, and some black rappers have reclaimed the word ‘nigger’, these women want to reclaim the word ‘slut’. They want to redefine the word; to them the word slut is a term of approval:

“A slut is a person of any gender who has the courage to lead life according to the radical proposition that sex is nice and pleasure is good for you. A slut may choose to have sex with herself only or with the Fifth Fleet. He may be heterosexual, homosexual, or bissexual, a radical activist or a peaceful suburbanite.”

The authors seek to carve out a place for themsleves in the world as sexual seekers and adventurers, people who live by an ethical and largely pragmatic code of conduct: to avoid hurting others, to avoid sexual risks, to being emotionally honest and respectful of others, to making a conscious committment to supporting themselves and their partners in emotional conflct.

I admire much of what these two women espouse. When I read this book two years ago I was inspired. I really thought I could manage some kind of polyamorous lifestyle. BUT – there were a couple of problems.

It’s hard, in this sexually conservative day and age, to find one actual and conscious ‘Lover’ (ie not  a boy friend and not a Fucker), let alone two. And for me, when this lover has been found in the past, well….it’s a matter of chakkras.

You cannot fuck someone with just the head and the genitals, (or just the first and sixth chakkra, if you like).  The whole system of chakkras comes into play, that’s if they are all firing.

The heart chakkra is part of the system.

Once the heart chakkra is activated – well, that’s when the ideas of these two good women start  to unravel. Thats’ my feeling. Even so, I do find their treaty admirable. I’ve taken much advice from them, especailly when it comes to practicing ‘conscious and ethical behaviour’ in my search for sexual pleasure.

Comments, please.

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~ by moniqueroffey on April 25, 2009.

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